Day 14 : KFC bhi "Ban-egi"?

Have you wondered what has transpired since the Maggi shutdown? Well. those of you who have read my previous posts, might know that the "ban" wasn't a ban initially but a temporary withdrawal to retest the products on the current market. And certain hyperactive states like Kerala went like, "I'm too good a state to market Maggi 'coz I'm so literate and all". What most people don't seem to grasp is that the MSG and Lead containing samples that turned positive, were collected across a few towns across UP in 2014 by some weird fame hungry type-A personality uncle who wanted to make it big atleast in his hometown. You may have encountered such people in your life too, you know, the people who are so bent on proving others wrong for no specific purpose (just for the lulz as they say). Well this man is at the epitome of that trait. The pack said, "No added MSG". So what did he do?? He tested exactly that.

OMG. Maggi contains MSG!! ...emm...What is MSG??

Monosodium Glutamate or MSG is naturally present in various food items such as mushrooms, tomatoes, Parmesan cheese and soy sauce. It has a unique taste which is different from salty, sweet, sour or bitter. The taste is described as 'meaty' or 'savory' and termed as Umami. (Exactly what makes Maggi taste like Maggi.)
FDA considers the addition of MSG to food to be GRAS (generally recognised as safe)

Alright. Is it dangerous if consumed in excess?

Excess consumption of MSG promotes sluggishness in the body. It may also cause headache, nausea, increased thirst and a twitching sensation in the mouth. In some cases one may feel numbness, skin rashes and excessive sweating too.
MSG is not a true food allergen, but there were anecdotal reports of adverse reactions to foods containing them. These reactions known as Chinese restaurant syndrome include headaches, light headedness, chest tightness, flushing, sweating, facial pressure or tightness, weakness. The only way to prevent a reaction is to avoid foods containing MSG for those sensitive individuals,

So...Is that a yes or a no?

Well...No. If you don't want it, just don't eat it.

This is how a normal discussion should've gone. But what the lay man is unaware of is the corporate wars going behind the scene between large corporations such as Nestle that are controlling the world market in its hands. In our country, everything becomes a matter of politics and religion. So, some individuals of certain Religious/Political background decided to utilize this event to try to remove the influence of the western world by initiating a replace-everything-with-Indian-stuff campaign. I'm pretty sure you might've received, atleast within this week, that age-old WhatsApp message trying to coerce people into switching Colgate with Vicco or something so that we can save the Indian economy, Well, the ideology behind it may have been true, but it failed miserably at the very notion of suggestion that if I could change my nations economy if I could tolerate having bad oral hygiene for the rest of my life. (Ayurvedic jadibootiyon se bana sampoorna surakshit ....yeah right. I bet it'd test positive for Mercury)

When some guy found an unusual shaped chicken piece in KFC in USA, he immediately sought to publicize it for fame and money (thats what Americans live for. Frivolous lawsuits and Reality TV Fame). And if you've seen the picture of the piece, I'm pretty damn sure you still haven't figured out where the head of the alleged rat is. Also, the manager took back the piece for confirmation and confirmed its not a rat.

"KFC has made various attempts to contact this customer, but he is refusing to talk to us directly or through an attorney. Our chicken tenders often vary in size and shape, and we currently have no evidence to support this allegation. We have extended the opportunity to have an independent lab evaluate the product at our own expense, but the customer refuses to provide the product in question. (He probably ate it later) This is in complete contradiction to Dixon's (the customer) claim, that KFC had acknowledged that it was indeed a rat. He has not filed any lawsuit yet."

India has probably already started a KFC ban by now. The media has already unfurled its useless plots to make it look as though it happened in India. The most annoying fact is that the people lobbying for such bans are NEVER the direct consumers of these products, As long as Indian people love to comment on anything and everything around them (especially with the new added freedom provided by social media), more and more things will get banned. Finally we will all be sitting at the banks of Ganges filling up "non-Lead containing water" because Bisleri got banned.

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PS: As long as its cooked and MSG free, it'd still eat that.

Day 13: Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki

As I've mentioned in a previous post, I've been binge watching different TV shows. Since all my favourite shows are on season break and there are absolutely no good movies about right now (that I can watch from home I mean) I've resorted to re-watching the classics and start ones that I've never seen before.

American TV shows know how to capture their audience, They know the category of audience they ought to target and put content that attracts that specific group. For instance the shows Arrow and Flash are targeted at people who have grown up reading the comics (or watching the cartoon). So that's the Male 11-40 years age group. But for a show to survive, you'll need a larger wider audience so that if their content offends someone, they can rely on their back-up audience to keep steady TV ratings. The producers of Arrow cleverly casted Stephen Amell to target the female audience and Emily Bett Rickards for the male audience. I guess the Flash producers don't care about their male audience ('cause that show is dry...If you know what I mean).

Each show reflects the culture of the country. TV shows without sex in it kinda die out. Even if the show is a comedy or a drama there has to be a sexual component between the characters for American shows to workout, The frequency is so often that its making things awkward at home. As I've mentioned I've been watching 5-6 shows and ALL including Simpsons have sexual content popping up every few minutes. My mother seems to have a radar of some sort that makes her walk in right when and only if some sex is happening. And once she was sitting next to me and I was watching Game of Thrones (Totally my mistake. I forgot she was next to me). She wasn't really watching, but the moment she turned towards me to ask something, one character decides to grab the ass of a nearby lady. And my mother was like, "English TV". I immediately closed VLC without responding and turned on a Malayalam Movie "Amen". My mother walked away and when she returned, guess what was happening...yeah...the main leads were making out. What were the chances of that happening...

Malayalam movies may have progressed to emulate Hindi movies. But the serials are still the same as ever, Consumers of Western TV shows rely on sex, but in India that cannot be done (due to Sanskaar). What Indian serial viewers do instead is consume emotions. And that too not regular positive emotions. They want pain, mental torture, extortion, child labour, child marriage, physical abuse, vehicular accidents, racism, supernatural influences, extramarital affairs, murder, death, abduction, etc to get through a weekday. The aunties (and uncles) who view and discuss this grow retarded by the minute.

I'm not saying that the Western shows are any better either. But watching a bunch of oldies fight over why someone didn't wash their husbands clothes that day (or cook for their husbands/ go to some function/ show enough sanskaar) in slow motion using inside voices narrating every moment is just too much, And this is just Hindi serials, After Star network acquired Asianet, all the Hindi serials are being dubbed/remade into Malayalam and its just apalling to watch. Especially stuff like Karuthamuthu which is a serial propagating racial stereotypes of dark skinned people in a predominantly dark skinned zone of India (What were you thinking, Northies??)

Also serials for lowering the IQ of children have also been introduced like Balaganapathy and I'm thankful to whoever it was who filed a complaint to the TV corporations and had it taken down. But the damage had already taken its toll (it ran 300+ episodes before someone noticed that their child was acting like an obnoxious little psycho prick). If you watch it once you will figure out what exactly I am talking about.
Watch from 5:00 onward till how much ever you can tolerate. Warning : This is going to annoy you more than ever in your life.

Since all that on "Adult" TV channels is stupidity and propaganda of negativity. I'm going back to the roots. Cartoon Network. But alas, Ben10 and Chotta Bheem have taken that from me too. Bastards.

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PS : Apologies for the late post. Been going through a major event in life.

PPS: Better ones coming through. Stay tuned.

Post 12 : Bizarre News

I've got nothing self written for now. But enjoy this bit of non fiction.

KOLKATA: A man and his son lived with three skeletons - his daughter and two pet dogs at his upscale Robinson Street apartment in Shakespeare Sarani police station area of south Kolkata. Last evening, the 70-year-old man died in a fire and today during the post-fire probe police recovered skeletons from a closed room in the apartment. Preliminary investigation hinted that the man Aurobindo De used feed the skeletons regularly, a clear sign of his refusal to believe that her daughter and pets died at least six months ago.

The only survivor is Partha De (40), son of Aurobindo. The fire-fighters rescued him alive from the apartment. Even Partha De did not say anything on the skeletons in his house. After recovery of the skeletons, Partha's statements were inconsistent. However, much of the success of the investigation now depends on his statement.

It now appears Aurobindo refusing to believe that his daughter had died had kept her body, feeding her daily. It now appears that Debjani De loved her dogs immensely. After the death of both, she gave up eating leading to her death. Aurobindo not only refused to accept it but kept feeding her, till police found it.

While senior police officers entered the rooms he came across various uncanny sounds, mostly recorded to create a haunted atmosphere. The music used to be played round the clock at the apartment. Police wonder how the stink of decomposed bodies didn't reach the neighbouring apartments. Investigators found dry food along side the skeletons. Investigators are also taking help of psychiatrists to understand the problem. A group of anti-homicide squad officers of the detective department swung into action after local police reported the recovery of skeletons this morning.

However, a lot of unanswered questions still haunt investigators. "The probe now hinges on the post-mortem report. After fighting the fire, fire brigade, retrieved a completely charred body of De. It is still not very clear whether De committed suicide or whether the fire was an accidental one. His neighbours said that they did not get any hint of the macabre episode.

Relatives of De, however, claimed that they had come to this home a month ago to celebrate Partha's birthday. They however, did not find anything wrong with their behavior, nor did they trace any stench in the house. They claimed that Partha is an information technology expert.

Psychologists opined that this is a kind of delusion of mind which refused to accept the truth and reality. It happens with the collective psyche of a closed knit family. Three skeletons recovered from the flat were sent to state forensic science laboratory for tests. The dogs died in 2014 after which the lady died.

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PS: The World of Fiction is a safer place.

Day 11: Food for Thought. And Some Colour

Do You Like Chocolate?? Do You Like PIZZA??? Do you spend most of your day just looking at and dreaming about food?? If you do, then you've come to the right place!!

No. I'm not giving out food here, Today (or tonight depending on your preference) I'm going to baffle your very senses....*spoiler alert*

To all the Chocoholics out there, I have one question.

"How would you describe the taste of chocolate to someone who has never had it?"

C'mon. Give it a thought. How would you? Work that Frontal cortex of yours!

Don't just continue reading expecting me to do it for you! Just give it a little more thought. THINK!

Alright. If you've given up then I'll help you. A professional chocolate taster (Yes, that's a real job. Already ahead of you. I've found 2 job openings in my area) uses all his/her senses to grade chocolate - Look, Feel, Sound, Smell and then lastly the taste. Here's a small excerpt from a blog on just tasting chocolate.

Place a small square of chocolate in your mouth and let it melt on your tongue, making sure to cover all of your taste buds. Your tongue will pick up bitter, sweet, salty and sour notes, and your sense of smell will help you more specifically describe the chocolate. Pay attention to the mouthfeel of the chocolate. Is it creamy or chalky? Does it break down immediately in your mouth, or does it melt slowly? Does the chocolate have a cooling effect on your mouth? What flavor notes do you notice at the beginning? In the middle? At the end? Is there a flavor note that lingers in your mouth long after the chocolate is gone? (Mmm yeah! Its the bad breath)

Droooooll.

Well the correct answer to my question is....Taste cannot be put into words accurately. Its same for other senses too, I guess we all agree on the unique proportions of bitterness, sweetness, sourness and saltiness that makes up the flavour of the Heavenly Joy, that is chocolate. But what exactly is sweetness to you?

The pleasant feeling of sweetness....is that the same for the all of us? Or are each of us experiencing a different variant of the pleasant feeling? Is my experience of the bitter taste of  pickle the same as that that you would experience? Is the extravagant magnificent marvelous taste of pizza, the same for all of us?

Now that I've got your full attention, I'd like to switch over to the sense of SIGHT which was my original topic.

Is my Red the same as yours?

From kindergarten onward we have been taught, "This is an Apple. Apple is Red in colour." We see the apple and learn that anything whose colour resembles that of an apple should also be red. But what if, in my perception, the colour is blue but I call it red?

Is it possible?

Yes. It is.

Scientists have proven through experiments on monkeys and rodents that One person's red might be another person's blue and vice versa, You might really see blood as the color someone else calls blue, and the sky as someone else's red. But our individual perceptions don't affect the way the colour of blood, or that of the sky, make us feel. Colour perception emerges in our brains in response to our experiences of the outside world, but that this process ensues according to no predetermined pattern.

Male squirrel monkeys have only two types of colour-sensitive cone cells in their eyes: green-sensitive cones and blue-sensitive cones. Lacking the additional information that would be picked up by a third, red-sensitive cone, the monkeys can only perceive the wavelengths of light we call "blue" and "yellow;" to them, "red" and "green" wavelengths appear neutral, and the monkeys cannot find red or green dots amid a gray background. In the experiment, scientists injected a virus vector into the monkeys' eyes that randomly infected some of their green-sensitive cone cells. The virus inserted a gene into the DNA of the green cones it infected that converted them into red cones. This conferred the monkeys with blue, green and red cones. Although their brains were not wired for responding to signals from red cones, the monkeys soon made sense of the new information, and were able to find green and red dots in a gray image. (Possible cure for colour blindness and also to confer added UV visibility to normal humans like in some bird species. Time to see if ultra-violet is in any way a shade of violet). Even though neurons in the monkeys' brains were wired to receive signals from green cones, the neurons spontaneously adapted to receiving signals from red cones instead, somehow enabling the monkeys to perceive new colours. The question is, what did the monkeys think the new colours were?

Whatever be the colour of the sky, whether it is your blue or my blue, it will always remain constant - within the wavelength range of 450 to 495 nm (depending on the time of day of course).

I've covered taste and sight. The rest you can think for yourself.

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PS: Orange is the new Black.

Day 10 : Quake It

Being an avid physics enthusiast (aka Nerd) I am very keen on knowing every new discovery in the Scientific field as it kinda ties up our pre-existing knowledge of the physical world and the interaction between its constituents. Also the horoscope shit I talked about earlier. Each study conducted in physics shines more light on the universe (technically the universe shines on us because of all the stars...nerd joke) and its hidden mysteries, unsolved questions of physics, advancing human understanding of physical laws.

Few centuries ago, the study of motion and gravity constituted mainstream physics. After years of groundbreaking discoveries, scientists like Einstein tried to come up with a unifying theory - one that tied up all the known theories into one with a common denominator/factor. And for that, the study of atomic and subatomic particles became necessary and the whole scientific field turned towards development of the technology to do so. In 1954 CERN (European Organization for Nuclear Research...somebody is bad at acronyms) was established and it houses the largest particle physics laboratory in the world. Also, being a huge establishment with thousands of the brightest scientists from all around the world, communication between its members within its housing facilities as well as outside became an issue. And so they invented the World Wide Web. Essentially the Internet. Badass much?


The people at CERN are obssessed with particles. It is obviously difficult to get these particles with varying charges away from each other 'cause...you know...opposites attract and vice versa (Hmm..are there any gay particles?). So what they essentially decided to do was to induce collisions between atoms accelerated at extremely impossible velocities (1/5th the speed of light). In layman terms that's like colliding race cars to learn about its parts that've come undone after the collision (might not sound smart, but it is). To get more parts undone one might need to accelerate the colliding cars more. Similarly to accelerate these tiny ass atoms to result in a collision large enough to reveal its basic constituents, the people at CERN built numerous accelerators. The largest of these is the Large Hadron Collidor or the LHC.

The LHC is a circular tunnel with 27km circumference thats located 100 metres underground and spans underneath 3 different countries. It is the world's most powerful particle collider, the largest and most complex experimental facility ever built, and the largest single machine in the world. The LHC's aim is to allow physicists to test the predictions of different theories of particle physics, high-energy physics and in particular, to prove or disprove the existence of the theorized Higgs boson and the large family of new particles predicted by supersymmetric theories. (This bit is straight off Wikipedia). They use extremely huge-ass ultra powerful electromagnets to create acceleration within the tunnel(Yup. Wikipedia).

Out of the 7 projects that've been planned for the LHC, only one has been completed in 2013 where they proved the Higgs boson particle. The second study which is unrelated to the first one started this year in April.


On a different note, you must've surely heard about the earthquake in Nepal. It killed more than 8,800 people and injured more than 23,000 and was of a magnitude of 7.8M (I don't know what exactly the Moment Magnitiude scale is, but I assure you it was Ginormous for an inland earthquake). There were after-shocks following it that were nearly of same intensity (~6). And also few days later in May there was a Major after shock (7.3). Shaking was felt in northern parts of India including Bihar, Uttar Pradesh and West Bengal. Tremors were felt as far as about 2400 kilometers away from the epicenter in Chennai.

Minutes later, another 6.3 magnitude earthquake hit Nepal with its epicenter in east Kathmandu. The earthquake was felt in Bangladesh, China and many other states in India. The impact of these tremors was felt even 1,000 kilometres away in New Delhi, where buildings shook and office workers evacuated.

Now here's the interesting bit.

The LHC I'd talked about earlier (if you've forgotten already, you may now proceed to opening a new tab and searching the following on google - "Who killed Kalpana") had started its second project after upgrading its Supermagnets from last time to almost double its collision energy to 13TeV. (1TeV is about the energy of motion of a flying mosquito. True story)
This time CERN announced that their focus is to “capture dark matter” and on “the discovery of other dimensions”. But what they seem to have acheived is create mass devastation and death. Yes, I'm suggesting that the two events are related, The LHC was turned on on April 5th and sequentially its collision energy was increased over the days leading to April 20th when it was at its highest. Usually after each experimental run the high speed particles and subparticles (now, waste products) are dumped into the earth itself. According to the CERN website, on 25th April they had dumped thrice and the third one corresponded to EXACTLY the moment the Nepal earthquake struck. There is a video somewhere on YouTube about this. 

The Large Hadron Collider creates the biggest magnetic field on the entire planet, second to that created by the planet itself! It may seem only speculation linking the massive energy dump of the LHC to seismic activity, but we must take into consideration how magnetism on this grand of a scale affects the layers of the Earth.

This doesn't seem to be the first time either. In 2010, mass LHC activity at CERN coincided with the 8.8 Chilean earthquake­.

Before the completion of work on the LHC, there was a wide spread media propaganda about the risk of replication of the Big Bang on the Earth if they turned it on. It even got Stephen Hawking worried about the space-time continuum(time travel??) Well if not a Big Bang, they seemed to have gotten a Big Buzz out of it. And the work ain't done yet, Its been on since April and the last significant experiment was on 3rd of June. If I'm right, then "Picture Abhi Baki Hain Mere Dosth"

So what do you think?? Is the study of science using extremely unpredictable methods, but with assured results, acceptable when it may or may not have had a hand in the generation of a significant "natural" disaster? Please do comment below

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PS: if you understand the meme given below, I will consider you worthy to be my successor when I become the King.

Day 9 : Drive Me Crazy

Since I've been sitting at home for over 3 weeks, I've had all the time in the universe to do all the things I had planned to do during the exams. And that's EXACTLY what I have NOT done. I've been sitting at home watching and re-watching TV shows. And frankly now I've lost interest. In the old ones. Time to start new ones.

Of those of you who might be concerned, few may ask,

"Where are your cousins? Why don't you go hang out with them?"

My cousins were born in 2 waves. First wave occurred before me and hence they're all busy working and being "responsible adults" and the second wave occurred when I was in my teens and obviously I can't go join them in their activities (due to ego clash mostly).

"Why don't you go join a gym or something?"

Exertional activities during holidays! Excuse Me!

"Atleast go get a driver's license!"

True. I agree. But here's the setback that I've been facing, After toiling throughout the day trying to fit  complete seasons of as many as 5 different series, I become really tired and end up sleeping upto 10-11 am. By then my dad would've taken the car and gone. By the time I'm up and about, it'd have become 1pm. And stepping out at 1 pm during the summer and travelling by bus...not really my cup of tea. YES. I'm lazy.

There are certain days where I do wake up like regular humans and step out of the house. Those days I end-up having to do chores. And to do chores, I do take the car myself and drive about for hours - picking and dropping off people/things. If I had thought of it earlier I could've picked the instructor up too. Would've had a license by now.

Driving about is really an exhilarating experience. More so for me. 'Cause I don't have a learners license either. I have had countless encounters with police on the road, And I've never been stopped. Maybe its because I'm an absolutely amazing driver. Or maybe because I don't make eye contact with any of them when they stop cars in front of me. Or maybe because of the Doctor Sign on the car. Or mostly that..... Naah its the amazing driver thing.

At the beginning of the holidays I'd somehow managed to convince my dad to get me a car, I don't even remember how I did it. (At certain points along the day I get high on life and forget everything). I even gave him options for cars that I liked that are within his budget and I left it upto him to choose one. And the very next day..,BAM! Petrol price went up. And when we got to a pump to refuel his SwiftDzire, I myself realised that my dad, who has worked for 30+ years abroad, cant possibly afford petrol at the current rates, let alone me. That moment onwards it was as though the previous day's conversation never took place at all. On the way home, he pointed at a Tata MagicIris and said, "We should've bought that."

Irony didn't end there, My sister came home the next day and took me around the district of Kannur for no real purposes and burned ₹1000. Just like that. Being really precise about money management over the last 2- 3 years, I've been very careful and controlled on fuel expenditure. I even had a monthly budget and all. It might've been her money that got burned. But I died a little on the inside. For Mother Earth.

So to conserve the planet we all live in, I hereby will continue being Driver's License-less.

Yes. I'm that lazy.

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PS: Just an anecdote. Quality decline will be regulated soon.

Day 8 : Maggi "Ban" Gayi

Its been just 2 days since certain states decided to ban Maggi for a 15-30day period, Think of it! Sonam Kapoor managed to make the whole of India hate Maggi noodles within hours. She has the potential to end terrorism if only she endorsed it. (Those who didnt get it...redirect to Day 1. Those who got it...get moving)

Just 2 days in, the people most affected by the ban include Madhuri Dixit, Amitabh Bachchan, Preity Zinta, the Indian Army, Nestle India and.... Me. Why you ask? Let me tell you...

A Bihar court (yes obviously Bihar) ordered registration of an FIR against the Bollywood stars, who have featured in the Maggi advertisements, and said they could be arrested, if required. Also the lawyer who filed the FIR said he was "taken ill" due to the consumption of Maggi and found the celebrities to be responsible somehow. I don't know how these morons are able to get a law degree. Was he expecting these celebs to stand at each factory and individually taste each packet? (That would be amazing though. "This pack is Preity good!")

The actors would be liable to action if the advertisements are found to be misleading. Amitabh Bachchan, using his mojo, swayed out of the line of fire saying that he no more endorses the company. Madhuri Dixit is pretty much screwed. Preity Zinta wont appear till next IPL, so I guess shes safe till then.  And if the actors are liable then I guess everybody can sue BigB for lying about the "2-minute" thing. (I'd sue him for having Abhishek Bachchan for a son first). But it wont matter. Driving over people is not a concern for Bollywood, let alone some diarrhea.

The Indian Army deployed at J&K are really screwed. I've heard that they live somewhat like how my batch-mates lived in boys hostel whenever it was mess-fee payment-time (Maggi+Bread+Egg). Now I cant help but think that the ban might be some twisted strategy of our Neighbours in the NorthWest. (But as long as their women wear jeans, we are all good)

Nestle India plunged 9% on the Bombay Stock Exchange, its biggest drop in a day in nine years. They are en route to lose crores if the ban prolongs and more states get involved. In fact other Nestle products are also being taken off shelves now. I guess its time to say bye to normal life.

The person most affected by all this is yours truly. Since I've been on the move between houses, all I get at my dads place (where I am mostly) is Maggi. The day the news hit the media, all the packets disappeared off the shelves in Kerala after the state-owned Kerala State Civil Supplies Corp (Supplyco) stopped selling Maggi in its stores. All I was left with was some cheap local knock off of Maggi that my dad didn't even bother reading the name (neither did I. But I atleast noted the colour of the packet. It was Red... I think). And the end result? Diarrhea. All I need to do now is find out which local celeb I should sue.

Maggi or no maggi, life will still go on in India with newer things being banned every day. For those who didnt hear the news, Egg is banned in Madhya Pradesh. So I guess Chickens can go gay now.

The day some cattle gets gay-raped by a guy who has consumed Egg flavoured Maggi noodles, I hope they might consider banning rape too. If not, we will ask our WMD laden sisters to implode on the streets.

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PS; Goa...land of  alcohol and Maggi...Impending Mallu Influx...